The Perils of Cycling

After yesterday's rain it dawned clear and sunny here on our little allotment in South Gloucestershire in the good old Dis-United Kingdom.
Nosher's vegetables believe that he has arranged this, and worship him more than ever, their dissent having been quashed by this sign from the sky.
'It's great to have someone think you're omnipotent!' exclaimed Nosher 'even though I know they're only vegetables.'
At lunchtime we sat on our deckchairs outside Nosher's shed and discussed the exciting news that Bristol has been declared the UK's cycling city, and is to receive government funding for a cycle rental scheme.
'I suppose it's fitting, given the the national cycle network started from here, as also did Sustrans' I said, sipping from my glass of Nosher's excellent parsnip wine.
'Well, I won't be cycling anywhere' Nosher declared 'the roads are far too dangerous for cyclists.'
'I think the idea is that there will be many more cycle lanes and cycle paths created' I told him 'so that cyclists won't have to mingle with motor vehicles any more.'
'That sounds like a very good idea' he replied 'given that the dicourtesy shown by the average motorist towards cyclists is abominable, and many cyclists insist on weaving in and out of traffic as if careless of the risks involved. And in addition, so many trucks have blind areas in their mirrors that if a cyclist is in the wrong place at the wrong time they will be squashed like a fly underfoot. And then there's all the exhaust fumes...'
I stopped him in mid-sentence - once Nosher get's going it's like a rant from Disgruntled of Tunbridge Wells.
'Nosher! Let's be positive shall we? Listen to me: more cycle lanes, more cycle paths, less contact with motor traffic - got it?'
'All it means is more cyclists behaving recklessly on footpaths and endangering my safe passage' he replied, still sounding like Disgruntled of Tunbridge Wells 'they just ride straight at you at high speed, and then swerve at the last moment, missing you by a whisker. It's bad for my nerves!'
'Perhaps that's actually a separate issue to do with consideration and good manners - or the lack of them' I suggested.
'Too right it is!' Nosher spluttered 'this country is becoming a place where the strong intimidate and bully the weak as if it's normal practice - on the roads it's drivers getting too close to cyclists, on the paths its cyclists getting too close to pedestrians. The rule should be that the less vulnerable has due regard for the safety and well-being of the more vulnerable, instead we have a winner-take-all mentality which engenders recklessness.'
I sighed. This was not going to be a day when Nosher saw the positive side of things. Except for his being omnipotent over his vegetables.
'So what dazzling display of your omnipotence have you planned next to impress your vegetables with?' I asked.
'I'm going to eat a few of them' he replied 'never fails to persuade the others to tow the line.'
More from http://www.overthegardenfence.blogspot.com/ soon.
Paul Sturdee's book Is God a Terrorist? is available from all good booksellers. Please support your local bookshop - if you don't, it might not be there next time you visit!
If you have any difficulty obtaining a copy, contact the PGS Books website.
Take care, and please look out for each other. Nosher will be impressed.