It's a Sad Day When Your Vegetables No Longer Trust You

Nosher arrived for our lunchtime chat looking despondent.
I watched his as he set out his deckchair on the grass outside his allotment shed and poured himself a chilled fruit juice.
Every move, every glance, suggested dejection.
'What's up, Nosh?' I queried, from the comfort of my own deckchair nearby.
'It's my vegetables' he replied 'they no longer believe anything I tell them.'
Regular readers of this blog will know that Nosher and I believe in talking to our plants, and listening to what they have to say to us. And most of the time this is a productive conversation. But every so often it slides into mutual suspicion and distrust - especially around harvest time when they see their mates disappearing fast and we tell them it's time to go to a better place up in the sky.
'Apparently' continued Nosher with a sigh 'I got the weather forecast wrong last week, and they expected more sunshine than they got. They've been harbouring resentment ever since, and it all came to a head this morning on my rounds. They want a cast iron guarantee from me that it's not going to rain tomorrow. I can't give them that, so they're angry at me.'
'Well, Nosh, your problems are nothing compared with Gordon the Moron's' I told him. 'The latest inflation figures are 3.3%, yet everybody I meet on the street reckons the true rate is closer to 8 or 9% and some people put it as high as 15%. I'm not sure anyone trusts Gordon the Moron any more, and quite right too.'
This news appeared to cheer Nosher up.
'Mrs Nosher was telling me only yesterday' he said ' how every week the household grocery bill goes up, yet our pension stays the same. Inflation at 3.3%? They've got to be joking!'
'And then the Government is telling us that they're going to crack down on crime and make sentences tougher' I said 'but why should we believe them?'
'Too true!' said Nosher, sounding delighted 'successive governments have been talking about being tough on crime since the 1960s, yet have done exactly the opposite. They tell us crime figures are going down, whilst prisons are more overcrowded than ever, even with more community sentences being used. It's a farce!'
'So, in the great scheme of things' I concluded ' your vegetables not trusting you may sound a bit sad, but it's no big deal. Just lie to them a bit more, that's what the Government does to us.'
'Good idea!' said Nosher 'why didn't I think of it before?'
More from http://www.overthegardenfence.blogspot.com/ soon.
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Happy Gardening!