Gordon the Moron's Allotment AGM

The prospect of democratic elections always bring out the more slimy, creepy and manipulative aspects of those wishing to get themselves elected, or merely to make themselves more popular.
Sometimes it doesn't even take the prospect of elections to achieve this, merely a drop in opinion poll ratings.
Thus it is with our great leader in the Dis-United Kingdom, Gordon the Moron.
At a time when his popularity is at an all-time low, he has appointed more merchant bankers, marketing experts and PR people as his advisers, thus demonstrating, if any further demonstration were needed, where his real priorities lie.
But following their advice has only made Gordon the Moron appear more inadequate and insecure than ever.
Over the past weekend he has appeared on an American TV celebrity charity talent show, grinning like a Cheshire cat and wishing 'May God Bless you all' to his American audience.
Talk about slimy and ingratiating.
Then he did a spot on English TV praising the efforts of our best-known children's author for her support of the refugees in Darfur, again grinning like a Cheshire cat and looking for all the world as if he was leaving a trail of ingratiating slime behind him.
Creepy.
Refugees don't need this kind of support - it's enough to make them choke on their UN food rations.
'For a dour Scot who's only smiled three times since he had wind as a baby' opined Nosher 'Gordon the Moron appears to have gone into turbo-boosted smile mode. His PR people must have told him that political leaders who look like asinine fools do better in the opinion polls'.
We were sitting in our old deckshairs outside Nosher's allotment shed, drinking parsnip wine in the warm afternoon sun.
As is so often the case, it seems that events in the real world mirror the goings-on in our little allotment world.
'It reminds me' I said 'of our recent Allotment Committee AGM, when our Chairman, another Gordon the Moron, tried so hard to ingratiate himself with everyone that he almost disappeared up his own backside.'
Nosher looked across at me, frowning.
'Can anyone be as bad as the real Gordon the Moron?' his question was tentative, as if not wishing to learn the truth.
'Oh, yes' I said 'they are two of a kind. After all, our own Gordon the Moron has put our little allotment's finances in hock by borrowing against future subscriptions, thus necessitating a rise in subscriptions because we haven't attracted any new members. The real Gordon the Moron is no better - he's heavily mortgaged the future of the entire country at a time when we're facing a recession.'
'Still, our own Gordon the Moron did manage to get himself re-elected at our recent AGM, more's the pity' said Nosher. 'Some fools still believe in him.'
We consoled ourselves with more of Nosher's excellent home-made parsnip wine, and gazed upon the sun-bathed scene that lay before us.
'I think we'll have a good crop this year' Nosher announced, indicating his neat rows of runner beans growing up their canes. I had other things on my mind.
'What is it about people who consider themselves natural leaders that turns them into self-deceiving, manipulative creeps?' I asked, not really expecting an outpouring of wisdom from Nosher.
It's a question I ask myself time and time again, and I'm still working on the answer.
Nosher, however, had an answer ready, it seemed, for he launched into an explanation that took me by surprise.
'It's the result of blind ambition, blind faith in their own abilities, and a mixture of ruthlessness and self-deceit, which enables them to convince themselves that their own narcissistic desire for status, prestige, privilege and power is in the best interests of those upon whom they impose their hubris, incompetence and stupidity' declared Nosher confidently, and all in one great rush of breath.
'Gosh, what on earth have you been reading?' I asked.
'Your own book, you idiot!' said Nosher 'can't you remember what you wrote in it?'
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