I was doing a little tidying up in the late afternoon sun when Nosher darted out of his allotment shed nearby, chortling to himself. For an old man he can certainly move fast when he has a mind to.
'You were wrong, laddie!' he called to me 'wrong!'
Now, Nosher, being ten or so years older than myself, has a habit of calling me 'laddie' whenever he feels the wisdom of age has triumphed over mere ugliness. I ambled over to find him still chortling with mirth.
'The Diana inquest verdict is in' he informed me as we sat inside his shed on our old deckchairs and poured out the last of our thermos flasks of hot soup. On a cobwebbed shelf nearby the sound of Radio 4's PM programme chattered on amongst some old seed packets. Nosher reached over and switched the little trannie off.
'Now that the Radio 4 news editorial policy is to repeat everything three times just so those who can't be bothered to pay attention eventually make some sense of it, there's no point in listening past the summary' he announced.
'So what did I get wrong?' I asked.
'You said it would be accidental death' Nosher replied 'but they've gone for unlawful killing, citing the drunk driver and the scumbag paparazzi.' He beamed with satisfaction. 'I do like it when you have to admit a mistake' he added, still smiling mischievously.
'Yep, I got that wrong - but so did everyone else' I said 'no one expected anything other than accidental death. But it sounds as if I wasn't wrong about anything else. Not that this surprise verdict actually means anything, apart from making vegetables of us all.'
Nosher looked across at me with an expression of mock surprise and puzzlement.
'I feel some clever rationalisation coming on' he chuckled.
'Well, most inquest verdicts on death due to drunk driving conclude it's accidental death' I replied 'and the police handle it as a driving offence. And those accidents that involve vehicles being driven recklessly causing other vehicles to crash tend to be treated as accidental, even if there is physical contact between the vehicles involved. So this is a welcome verdict, but it means nothing.'
I paused and stared out of the dusty window upon our crops gently growing in the wintery sun. Nosher seized his opportunity.
'And how does that make vegetables of us all, laddie?'
'Because this case is unique' I said 'and when it comes to us plebs being killed by drunk drivers and/or reckless drivers, nothing will change. The appearance of justice has been given, whereas the Ministry of Injustice will not change its attitude one iota. In any case, the value placed upon the lives of us ordinary people by our leaders is these days so low that the sentences handed out are no deterrent at all. So nothing's changed, we're all being treated with total contempt, as usual, whereas the criminals have human rights lawyers falling over themselves to get them off, or get them more home comforts for their cosy little cells. The rest of us - the ordinary, law-abiding, tax-paying, civilised citizens, well, we may as well be vegetables.'
Nosher nodded in reluctant agreement, his smile now replaced by mock seriousness.
'When you find I've planted myself out amongst my cabbages, up to my neck in earth, then you'll know I've finally had enough of this dreadful country' he announced.
'You may need some help with the last few shovel-fulls' I offered.
'Oh, don't worry laddie' Nosher said 'if we carry on complaining about things like this they'll be queueing up at our shed doors!'
More from http://www.overthegardenfence.blogspot.com/ soon.
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