Death-Threats for Bishop of Rochester after 'No-Go Areas' Remark

Here at overthegardenfence we like to keep our pulse on the tenor of public debate.
So down at the allotments yesterday afternoon my mate Nosher and me were discussing the latest spat between the Bishop of Rochester and, er, nobody, whilst dangling our turnips and mangel-wurzels respectively over one another's compost heaps.
A week ago, the Sunday Telegraph (a once highly-esteemed journal now reduced to publicising the cleavage and culinary feats of one Nigella Lawson, whose reported sayings include, in paraphrase, 'I will not allow my children to starve, but they must grow their own vegetables') announced that the Bishop of Rochester feared there were now no-go areas marked by ethnic divisions in the Dis-United Kingdom.
At the time the entire political and media class were united in apathy in response to this comment, apart from a few paltry denials from minor members of Gordon 'The Moron' Brown's government, and several cases of apoplexy amongst readers of the Observer and the following Monday's Guardian.
Then, yesterday, all Hell broke loose on the weed-strewn vegetable patch that is now the Dis-United Kingdom. The Sunday Telegraph had more to reveal - and not just about Nigella.
It transpired that the said Bishop had received several death-threats from some idiot members of some ethnic minority or other (as yet unidentified) thus confirming the truth of the Bishop's sentiments.
This affront to freedom of speech from ethnic extremists produced (predictably) a deafening silence from both Gordon 'The Moron' Brown and Dave 'The People's Toff' Cameron and their respective cohorts.
The said Bishop is now receiving round-the-clock police protection, but how long will it be before some fascist PC commissar at the Home Office decides that outspoken people who voice well-grounded fears about the progressive paring down of our freedoms by ethnic extremists do not merit any protection at all against said extremists? That day is not too far away, at least that's the consensus amongst Nosher and me and all our vegetables down at the allotments.
In our view, the wider world has a lot to learn from traditional allotment practices. Nosher and I grow turnips and mangel-wurzels respectively, each an expression of our diverse cultural practices. In order to keep these vegetables where they should be, we have placed a little wicker fence between our plots.
Nonetheless, during our daily chats over the fence, we are in the habit of dangling a turnip and a mangel-wurzel over each other's side of the fence, so that they can become accustomed to one-another's cultural beliefs and practices, and, upon their return to their own side, educate their fellows accordingly. As a result, there have been no known outbreaks of intolerance, hostility, or violence between turnips and mangel-wurzels for centuries.
Even when a stray turnip or mangel-wurzel appears on the wrong side of the little wicker fence, he (or she) is treated with courtesy and respect, and merely returned to the rightful cultivator at harvest-time. In principle, neither turnips nor mangel-wurzels have any objection to sharing their plots with other kinds of vegetable, and it is only through shared leisure interests that they tend to congregate on the same patch of ground. Thus it should be in the wider world. But, alas, this is not the case.
Nowadays, in the Dis-United Kingdom, anyone who is a member of an officially recognised ethnic minority is permitted to say almost anything they like about the host community (including broadcast messages denouncing them as infidels) whereas members of the host community are, in practice, inhibited from speaking out for fear of reprisals.
Thus is the truth smothered by the nonsense of 'multicultural' 'political correctness'.
In response, down at the allotments Nosher and me have decided to announce that we are, henceforth, to be recognised as official ethnic minorities, on account of our cultural preference for turnips and mangel-wurzels respectively, and anyone who says anything to offend our cultural sensitivities will receive an appropriate response. A turnip or mangel-wurzel (respectively) will be sent post-haste to the offender to remedy the situation.
More from overthegardenfence soon.